Western Sh*t!

Whoever invented this western toilet system deserves to be hit with a brick. High-class people will call me backward and uncivilized at this statement but the fact is that the commode is the worst that has happened to humanity. It is a perfect example of aping the west along with our junk eating habits, our obsession with Hollywood movies and the mall culture that is engulfing hordes of Indians especially in metro cities and even spreading it's tentacles to tier-II cities.

Coming back to the point, my target of insult is the potty. Can you ever imagine a more uncomfortable seat to rest your butt while trying to do the most important chore of the day- answering the nature's call? And can you imagine a more disgusting way of letting the material travel from our butt to the sewage pipe- a loud splash, that is? Again and again I have given thought to this particular point- why is the potty the way it is? What possible reasons could the inventor have to make such an inefficient transport system for passing our waste matter? I really have no answers. All I have is a humorous pointed critique of the same.

First case in point can be made by noting the unhygienic way of sitting on the chamber pots- resting our derriere on it. Any method which involves contact with something which is holding our stools is bound to be severely unclean. Contrast this with the Indian way of doing it- squatting, where in no contact is required. Also western toilets have an intrinsic flaw- they are like normal seats and some trigger is required for the mind to let it know that you are actually sitting to pass some (serious) sh*t. Indian toilets overcome this problem with ease- squatting itself generates enough pressure on the intestines and what is required is only a newspaper, magazine or in these days- a smart phone to seal the deal. More over, flushing is a major problem for the pots as compared to the Indian style toilets. Lastly, what is with the fountain to clean our exit? With such a method, there is no way to be sure if your outlet is really clean or not. Although it does feel kind of nice for a steady stream of water striking your privates! Please don't get me started on the tissue paper part. The less said about it, the better.

Yes we Indians have a different way of sh*tting. But we should be proud of it. It is technologically better and efficient. It keeps our butts clean and free of rashes. It keeps us less in the toilets and more outside them because it is a quicker way of discharging through squatting. Most of the discoveries, business ideas, major life-changing decisions in India probably happen in our conservative Eastern style toilets. Although we use water and the left hand (mostly) to clean our exit, we make sure to wash our hands after the deed and not to use the left hand (mostly, again) for touching anything that goes into our mouths. If someone feels this is disgusting, please let that someone tell us a better way of doing it and we will be indebted to him/her! And yes, when we step out of our bathrooms, it is with satisfaction and pride and not with a feeling of disgust and humiliation!

(I wrote this article way back but recently in 2013 found a supporting post on my views on the western style toilet. Check it out!!!...http://www.fastcocreate.com/3016425/have-you-ever-considered-that)